Dr Suman Bijlani lists womens common sexual concerns and what they mean for men Wonder why your wife/girlfriend seems "off sex" of late? Why does she complain of a headache just when you are in the mood? Fact is, as with men, sex is a big issue for women too. Only, due to conditioning or lack of awareness, most women dont articulate them. Generally, women realise they have sexual problems only when: » It affects their relationship » Their partner starts complaining » When they are depressed » When they themselves get involved in an extra-marital affair. Also, the nature of problems differs slightly with age. Younger women: Sexual problems relate more to body image issues and performance anxiety. Especially if they feel sex is the only way they can hold on to their relationship. Older women: Sex boils down to a chore or duty after years of marriage/relationship. It then manifests in pains, aches, lack of orgasm and other physical symptoms. The bottomline: Dont blame your dull sex life on her PMS or mood swings. Gynaecologist Dr Suman Bijlani of Gyneguide tells you how to read between the lines. Problem: Lack of interest Message: Foreplay continues throughout the day A woman wants her man to make her feel special throughout the day. This sets up her mood for the special night. In a marriage, being interested in the house or taking care of the children is important. Conflicts with kids affects her relationship with her husband. Hence make that special effort to show you care — through messages, gifts, a special outing etc. Problem: Poor body image Message: I want to feel beautiful when Im with you A woman might shy away from intercourse due to poor body image — a result of low self-esteem. If her partner nags her about her lack of perfection, it can affect her sexual confidence. Its foolhardy to say things like your hips are too wide or breasts are too small and later expect her to perform in bed. For a woman, the only solution is to work on herself as a person. Men get attracted by a womans confidence. Problem: Faking it Message: Orgasm isnt everything Men tend to focus only on orgasm, but often for a woman, great foreplay is enough. Hence, ensure she is happy with the quality of sex. If she fakes an orgasm, it means she isnt satisfied and doesnt trust you enough to tell you. Such a behaviour points to chinks in the relationship, hence work on them first. Problem: Frequency issues Message: I am no sex machine Some men want sex every day, but with women, many other factors need to be in place. There is no ideal time or frequency for sex,but if the frequency of desire is very disparate, seek help. If a woman is stressed or has resentments towards her man, it reflects in lack of interest in sex. Problem: Pain during sex Message: Be considerate in bed A common problem, painful intercourse can result from vaginal infection or if the partner is very aggressive. Pain is of two types. Superficial pain: which occurs at the time of insertion. Or deep pain: thats usually pathological or due to endometriosis or infections. This needs to be taken seriously. Using a lubricant or increasing foreplay can help. Problem: Body odour Message: Please be pleasant Both men and women can suffer from fungal infections, tinea infection and similar problems that lead to body odour. To stimulate a womans interest in sex, it is essential that the man maintains a pleasant personality and smells good as well. Taking the point further, he should make an effort to look good for his woman. It leads to a better response in bed. Problem: Fear of pregnancy Message: Take care of protection Its often the fear of pregnancy that makes women shy away from sex. For good sex, its important for both partners to be equally aware and responsible for contraception.